Clarity, Activate!

Hey Peeps,

Just checking in. My life is still in limbo land in many respects, so not much to report.
But, may as well enjoy life regardless of whether or not I know what the next step will be. Being comfortable with the uncertainty seems to have been my theme for a long time. I suppose that has  merits of it's own, but I'm ready to change my theme now. Enough uncertainty. We can never know how everything is going to turn out, but we can direct our lives to an extent. 

So, here is to clarity activation. Next time I report I will have renewed focus and good news!

Luv, Luc

Dead End?

We all hear lyrics that really resonate with us at times. That's the beautiful thing about music, writing and art in general; when we come across something that resonates with us, we relate to it instantly.

Today a unsuspecting song came through my headphones while I was on a walk. I was literally floored because the lyrics seemed to express pretty much exactly what I felt in that moment. I just had to sit down in the grass and listen, right then and there. 

Somehow this moment made my own dream come a little clearer to me. My dream is that my words/music/art will one day resonate with someone as well. That my own reflections will be something that another random person can relate to and feel moved by. 

In pursuit of happiness,
Lucia

Above is a picture that I took right before being floored on the grass by these lyrics:

♚♛

I never imagine that my path would lead to you.
A look in your eyes as they met mine
Seem to say we’re the same in so many ways
Though we’re worlds apart.

No I won’t let you down...

There are so many reasons to keep us apart
But it won’t stop me losing
My mind or my heart.
What would I give
To touch your hand
Or just feel your skin
I’d breathe you in
Could this ever be
You’ll be next to me?
 
No I won’t let you down….??

-Alex Clare

 

A gem amongst the rest...

♚ ♛

Catalyst

I was looking back on the last bunch of posts that I have on this blog and realized that they are almost all poetry. So I thought I would have a more personal conversation with you guys today, you know, maybe make this a little less metaphorical. 

The last few weeks have brought on a plethora of changes. First there was the end of school for the year which opened up a ton of free time for me. Right now I am using it to focus on writing music, and have been working on a poetry ridden acoustic project with my friend Akhil (who's blog you can check out here: infinityandtheitch ). If things go as planned, we will have recorded an EP of originals that we are writing in my room during these dreary rainy days before he goes back to India at the end of the month.

 I'm also working on some music that I'm writing on my new guitar... (thanks to my amazing friend Colby for giving it to me. Check out his photography, he just graduated! colbydjones.com). I have been inspired by Slipknot a lot lately, especially their slower acoustic-y songs so I bought some guitar strings that will accommodate drop B/C tunings for my acoustic. So, Im experimenting with that, and just doing my best with the guitar skills that I have to express with music the emotions are coming up for me at this time. 

Speaking of emotions, I don't really talk about my close personal life, but I just wanted to mention that I have been undoubtedly stirred lately, in a good way, by a man in my life. I don't know if he ever reads this blog, but I'm sure that you know who you are. You have been a catalyst of internal transformation for me and I never dreamed that I would learn so much about myself through you. You're cool.


Hum...what else? 

The graffiti in this town is just so positive :)

I have been thinking that life is never "perfect". That there will always be obstacles to overcome and barriers to break down, highs and lows to be felt. We are human. Each and every one of us is...imperfect. And each moment in life deserves our full attention. Be present with it and to always do your best within it. 


A whole lotta love, Lucka

Ease In Uncertainty

Behind the moon

We dug so deep, so soon.

And in the shadow of the sun

We turned so frail that our minds came undone.

In this core we hid

Mysterious metaphores

Waiting for a time when

We could finally explode.

Speak so clearly

Move so smoothly

Undeniable vulnerability

Ease in uncertainty. 

Brace yourself

Against the falling stars

And they will deliver

The highest joys of chaos.

Aren't we lucky

To have found this seed?

Blazing new life as it moves up

So slowly.

Out and in

Weave within

Take a chance

Dig your heals into this dance.

It could be your last

Or it could be your first

In life we will never know

Move forward with unquenchable thirst. 

Update

Hi friends! 

I haven't been into blogging much these days. But I have been out and taking lots of pictures so check out the Through My Lens tab to see those.

I'm also adding a Song Of The Week page. Every Sunday I will post a song that has been really prevalent in my life that week. A music journal of sorts I suppose. 

I will be back to posting next week. 

See you then!

Year Of The Dragon

When everything around you

Begins to change

Be silent...listen

And you will remember  

What the constant tugging at your heart

Has always been.

 

And the sun came out...

I am amazed

At what I am able to feel and experience.

Live boldly. Love genuinely.

I want nothing more then to be 

The Giver and the Receiver

 of the brilliance of this world

Through art and song.

 I want nothing more then 

The courage and the strength to

Release my doubts and barricades.

Resurgence begins now.

I want nothing more 

then to care for each other. 

 To live boldly, love genuinely.
 And to unfurl these ambitions 

With all my potential.

Snapshot taken from the documentary 'No one Said It would Be Easy' by Cloud Cult

Waiting.

Last night I had a conversation with a friend about playing the waiting game in life. It seems that many people's lives are 'up in the air' right now with so many changes about to happen. It is like we are in a worm hole, traveling at warp speed but it just seems like we are standing still in the darkness until we shoot out the other end.
After our conversation I came up with this: 

I am the girl who questions everything

And the one who latches on when she has found a good meaning.

Only to be shown that even that too is fleeting.

The winter freeze seems to drag on forever

Seeps though my bones and plucks at my feathers

Until I can't even remember what it is like to soar anymore.

But wait...wait a little more. 

Actually, fuck it, stop waiting, stop it right now!

There is no 'right' life, This Is It. This moment is as spectacular as you want to make it.

Contentment

"Contentment isn't about fireworks, weak knees and flutteriness. Which is why some people completely fail to realize that despite its more subtle charm, contentment is worth a whole lot more then short term passion."
-Richard Templar

Multiple dimensions.

Where my focus lies, so does my power, 
my voice, my beauty and strengths. 
Press on. Ignite the massive fire of life.

Inside of this dark heart
And unyielding love.
Born under the constellations to light the sky up
For a moment in time this brightness is unsurpassed 
But even when the fuel runs dry we transform 
Back into the source. Energy. Pure restlessness. 

So, you have felt this before?
You shape shifter, folding the world.
Slowly one dimension collides with another
I called out to you
And you knew, you already knew.

As we melt away the way we came
Know it is to lead this challenge forward
To taste and test new life...
It is in us to transcend and balance.

Simplify.

"Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone elses life. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.They somehow already know what you truly want to become." -Steve Jobs

Crisp beginings.

Last night I edited a poem that I wrote about spring. But this morning I was rudely awakened by snow plows. I looked out the window and I saw this view. Alas, here is the poem anyway....


You lie sleeping
I sit up wide awake and
Crack the window open
To let the halcyon air swirl in.

Gently breathing the crisp end of winter.

I sense that we are icicles
Melting ever so slowly
Bound to surrender what is hiding 
In the centers of our gravity.  

My core and yours
Will be revealed
Omnipresent in the spring light.

And as the season closes
I  realize what I have learned from you...
That I must prepare my strength
For the honest fight that beckons me too.

So friend, remember this closeness
For when we may loose our ways
Make a memory of calm and of serene abandon
Because isn't that what we all long for
At the end of the day...?

Short hello.

Its funny to think how life has evolved in just a matter of a few months. In September when I started school I was just dipping my little toes in, testing the waters so to speak. Fast forward half a year and that timid part of me has let go and I feel ready to dive in full force. I want to elaborate more on what changed in my attitude, because I think it would be relevant to most people. But I don't have time to this morning so, in short, I let go of the fear and skepticism that I had about my abilities as a human. Because, when I decide that I can do something, I am so much more capable when I actually believe it. The same goes for you. Peace out, gotta run! 

Sound.Check

You Can't Be Half In.

I had the pleasure of attending a clinic at my school today put on by Oz Noy who is a virtuoso guitarist from New York. I was surprised at how much I took away from it since at first I was a little skeptical about the relevance of jazz guitar in my life. But, I quickly came to realize that music is majestic in all its forms and I definitely have things to learn from any musician out there who is making a living from their craft.

So here is a list of gems that I gathered from this clinic: 

Making it as a musician in any big city takes time, but once you are in, you realize that it's not really that big of a scene...sais the musician from New York. Oz's tip for getting 'in' on your scene:  

Network, network, network. Hang out. A lot. Be where the people who you want to meet will be.   

Work on your social skills. If you are an amazing musician but you are a dick, no one will want to play with you.  A good attitude will get you far in this business.   

Go to gigs. If there is a happening show going on, everyone will be there.


Ok, moving on. You are starting to get into the scene and playing with other people. What will make you stand out from the bizzilion other musicians out there?

....Groove... .
It's not about the chops, it's about the groove. 
It's really important to understand that if you don't play a good rhythm, all your crazy licks won't really matter. But if you have both...well then...you're on the right track baby.


So, you're networking and your playing shows. Awesome deal bro. But you still have to work on your own skills. And practicing my friends, is like work. Here are some tips to getting better at your craft. 

Develop a practice routine. Otherwise you are likely to just end up noodling around and not accomplishing your mission, which is to become a better musician.  

Build on roots. If you want to play rock, learn the blues like no ones business etc. Practice the foundations and it will all come together as you form your own sound.  

Listen to lots of music. Not only will it keep you in the know about what is going on, but it will inspire you to keep growing as an artist.  

Play with people who are better then you. You can play in your bedroom all you want, but really, the only way to get better is to play with other people. Especially with musicians who are better then you.   

Play live as much as possible! Get gigs and get out there. It will motivate you to practice and be more awesome. Because what is more motivating then knowing that you have an audience to play for?
(At which point I am going to add a plug for myself. I have a set of originals that I want to preform this spring/summer and I am looking for other musicians who would like to be involved...but more on that in another blog post).

And last but not least, I will leave you with something powerful that Oz said...  

You can't be half way in.

Whatever that 'ALL IN' thing is for for you, may you have the courage, discipline and joy to make it happen!

Happy journey my friends.

1. 

Ebb and Flow

A project has been brewing in my mind for a while. I have been keeping art/writing journals since I was17 and I have a decent collection of them by now. My project is to go through them and make one book that will represent the evolution of my life, the ebb and flow so to speak. My hope is to share some of the lessons that I have learned along the way, stories, art, photography and to inspire others to create their own version of a counter culture in their own lives. Live well...love boldly...listen and learn...create from passion. 

A random November 2011 entry...

I'm sitting on a frozen bench and snowflakes are falling around me

But I'm not cold as I sip my morning hang-over coffee.

This crisp air is just what I need to help me stay awake

After a night of necessary heartbreak.

Let come what may - I professed

Let go of what you no longer need to possess.

Let the new wave flow into you

Let the truth be firm and loving too. 

No need to dwell, its time to climb on now

With my guides at my side

And a song in my soul.

Ready? Let go!

 

Evoke.

"There is an old Zen saying that you should practice Zen like your head is on fire. Instinctively, with full force and commitment and no hesitation." 

-Jaimal Yogis

I'm terrified 

for so many reasons.

I know what I must do and

It's all coming at me in full speed. 

I did evoke such a thick

Evolution.

It is not by chance 

That I should encounter

Such a force within your soul.

 You've come into my world to remind me

 Of my own power.

It has stirred me.

Set my head 

On fire.

Experience.

If I crack open

It's because in this moment

 I am experiencing so many things

Simultaneously.

Trust and Uncertainty  

The Haze and The Clarity

The Future and The Past

Being Held and Being Lost

Vulnerability and Openness

Hope and Helplessness

The Dream and The Reality 

Division and Oneness 
Confusion and Calm
Love and its Fortress.

All within me.

Here to 

Experience. 

Pura Vida

Sick week = ch'ill'in. 

I watched a surfing moving tonight that got me thinking about how grateful I am to be alive. There is something about surfing culture, bodies of water, sunshine, beaches. Love emanates. 

Today I learned that because of the advanced culture that the Hawaiians had, they were able to get really serious about developing recreational time. Surfing was born out of pure recreation, pure fun. WOAH! Talk about an awesome thing to do as a culture. Develop the spirit of LIFE and adventure within society! 

I also learned about the Costa Rican term 'Pura Vida' which translates to pure life, "plenty of life, full of life, this is living!, going great, real living" (got those from wiki).

I think that I have a little of Pura Vida ingrained in me. Im drawn to a relaxed and alive lifestyle. To feel connected with the rhythm of life, everyday of my life, even if it is just for a moment. To step away from stresses and worries, if only for a moment, and just smile, breath and be happy to be alive.

 My mom often tells me that she is so impressed with how I take care of myself. Not in a 'your so grown up and live on your own and have a job' kind of way but in in 'you take time out of your day to be kind to yourself, to nurture your body and mind and express your creativity' kind of way. As I think about it, Im really honored that she respects those aspects of my life. And my dad has always encouraged me to broaden my love of music, art and literature. You guys are both really cool and I love you! ❤

Anyways, this has been a bit of an all over the map post, but I just randomly felt like sharing a bit of sunshine with you guys. 

"Pura vida. Pure life. We are only on this planet for a little while, don't mess with it. Enjoy it and spread a little cheer." 

Figuring it out.

Yesterday at school we had a discussion about creativity. I was feeling sick and spaced out but I still managed to focus and receive a few gems out of it.

The thing I realize about my creative process is that I don't have a problem with running out of ideas right now, but I do have a problem with not having enough full force focus to make them happen. 

One thing that was discussed yesterday was the idea of having a designated creative space. A physical space with all your tools laid out so that when you walk in there you know what's going on. It becomes a temple for your creative process. Being a very esthetic person, having access to this kind of space would be a total dream come true. I need to get this going and stop dreaming about it.

 Another thing that was mentioned was having a kind of ritual where, say for example, between 9pm and 1am, everyday, you work on creating. You just do the work, even if you don't feel inspired. It seems like a distant idea at this point because in my present reality I simply do not have the liberty to have a daily structure like this yet, although I can see myself really thriving off of such a thing.

  To have a ritual for creation, a designated space to do it in and support from those who are willing to sharing their knowledge...this is the reality that I am welcoming into my life.

  ♪♫ ♥ ♪♫

"The great composer does not set to work because he is inspired, but becomes inspired because he is working.  Beethoven, Wagner, Bach and Mozart settled down day after day to the job in hand with as much regularity as an accountant settles down each day to his figures.  They didn't waste time waiting for inspiration."  ~Ernest Newman

Freeee!!!

Today I don't have to go to my day job until 1pm and I'm looser stoked about the fact that I can go to school for a couple of hours and work on some music beforehand. Curious how it is easy to motivate myself to get up early when it is for my own projects. I must be onto something good if my desire to create is stronger then my desire to sleep in. 

What gets you so pumped that you just can't wait to get out of bed so you can go do it?

MusicMermaid

If I had a super-morphing power I think that it would be Mermaid. 

 As I sat on the beach this morning, with the sun melting into my eyes and my fingertips digging thought the sand, nothing else really mattered. The calm of water has that effect on me. For a few blissful movements this thing that I call 'my' life joins all life. It just makes me so happy to be near water.

Another thing that makes me happy is the thought of having a real home. Some days I still grapple with feeling like a gypsy, wondering if I will ever find that place. But I kind of had two moments today that led me to thinking that I should just relax and make a real home for myself here in this mountain town. I can always leave to go on adventures right? Its not like I would be trapped. Oh commitment issues. 

Anyways, first thing was being by the water and then going home and looking at google maps and seeing all the beaches that line this magnificent lake. An abundance of beaches that I must explored!!!

Reason number two was the fact that I had pretty much the same feeling during my band rehearsal today as I did on the beach. I was just so fucking happy to be playing music with good people and nothing else mattered. 

So, having realized that, I may as well chill out and stick around.

Omg. I just had a thought. Would I explode from happiness if I played music, at the beach, on a beautiful sunny day?  

My Body Is Fluid

Tonight I feel like going out dancing.

But Im too lazy to leave my house.

So dance party in my room it is.

Ps. Thank you to the friend who donated to my blog yesterday!!!

You know who you are. 

T'es drôle, toé!

♥

late night ramble

Hey friends. 

Sorry I haven't written much lately. I guess you could say that the precious free time that I have these days is being carefully divvied up to encompass a whole multitude of hobbies/studies/errands and random acts of mischief. When left to my own devices lately, I find a plethora of ways to occupy my free time. 

I have been getting up two hours before I have to go to work or school so that I can drink a massive mug of coffee and read some of my book (which is essential to my mental health), followed by yoga or a workout and then practicing stuff from my vocal lessons. Its a really amazing morning ritual and those two hours literally fly by. I could easily prolong this whole process for another, like, 12 hours if I added cello practice, songwriting, studying, working on midi projects, cooking for myself and having a social like into the mix. 

Yah, Im not bored that is for sure. I hope to get on blogging track again soon. I kind of want to revamp this blog. I see that people out there read it according to my stats thing, but I just wonder, what keeps you guys coming back? What can I write about that would be interesting for you guys to read?

Boundless!

If there is something in your life that you want to do but haven't gotten around to doing yet, its not too late. 

Sometimes we get stuck in limited thinking about what we are capable of. "Iv never succeeded before so I guess that I never will" or "This is how I am and that's not gonna change." 

 

But you can change.

You are not bound to your past.

If you tried something in the past and failed, don't let it get to your head. You are capable of picking yourself up for moving on from where you left off.

Maybe you are not the person who you think you are. Maybe you are boundless. Try it. Free you mind of doubts, restrictions and your past history, and you just might realize that you DO have what it takes to do those things that you are putting off...

"You have the will of a volcano"

-Cloud Cult

Guidance.

Tonight my mind decided to deeply question my relationship with music. Where do I see myself going with this? What the f*ck is stopping me from defining what I really want to do musically? If I knew I could just do it.

Im tired of feeling like I am being torn apart in so many direction without knowing how to put the pieces together into something cohesive. So, clarity, I'm ready to break past this barrier. Guide the way ♥

 

Getting Sh*t Done

Getting shit done is really just a crazy mind game. Everyday it is You Vs. You. Don't let your lazy ass get in the way of your potential.  

If you are through with spending your days drifting aimlessly in 'life avoidance' you will likely need a goal, motivation and time management working in unison in order to get shit done. 

The Goal:

First thing you need to do is establish a clear mission. This can be the hardest part of this whole exercise, but it can also be fun and creative. Its your chance to dream and visualize what you ultimately want to do with your one wild and precious life, or with your day today. You can dream up as elaborate or as simple goals as you want.

Motivation:

What are the motivations behind your dreams? Why do you want _______ so badly? Why will it help you if you do ____?  If you have a good reason, a golden carrot so to speak, you will be more likely to follow through with the work you need to do. Finding a good reason to stay on track is just as important as having a goal in the first place. 

Time Management:

Welcome the sometimes grueling and unglamorous reality of everyday dedication. Time management is where you make a pact with yourself to do the work. Depending on your motivation level, you may have to be super clear as to what you are planning on doing or it will likely not get done. Example: "Today I will do ____ at this time for this long".  Time management is your game plan and it will be your tool in helping kick procrastination to the curb. 

You can't just think "I want to have an amazing life" or "It will happen" and then never do anything to actually feel amazing or to facilitate making things happen. But I think that if you do the work (your goals) you can trust that things will work out. Trusting that you are being guided in the right directions means paying attention and noticing when opportunities present themselves.

The thing is, we can make plans and goals and work towards certain things but we should never get stuck in thinking that we know for sure where we will end up. This life is ultimately a grand adventure, so you may as well find that sweet balance between being hyper-focused and also staying spontaneous and flexible in your quest to get shit done! 

There is magic in these mountains.

Last night I spontaneously decided to go to the park to drink rum and tea then go on a unplanned adventure. I walked and walked with no particular aim except to enjoy the beauty of the world while listening to music in my headphones.

At one point I went to a friends house and we pulled tarot cards. I really feel that Iam on the right path in life, so I asked something like what can I do to continue making this path stronger. I drew the Celebration card and it said "When you choose this card, it indicates that you are becoming more and more available and open to the many opportunities that are to celebrate in life, and to spread this by contagion to others." (incidentally I was talking about this exact thing with a lovely boy the other night, saying that I feel like one of my gifts in this life is the ability to connect with people and help others bring out their own authenticity and happiness). 

The card goes on to say "Don't bother about scheduling a party on your calendar, the party is happening all around you every moment." (yah, like the fact that I just spontaneously felt the desire to party and adventure on a Monday night). Later, I randomly met with another friend who was feeling a bit off that day and we just ended up having a nice heart to heart conversation over tea at midnight. Just sharing space with someone can be enough to shift your perception and bring hope and new ideas to life. 


So if you have never gone out on a spontaneous adventure in your own town, I highly recommend it. It can really help change your perception by breaking out out of your usual patterns. Who knows what you might discover?

Happy Tuesday!

Commit.

Despite my past tenancies in packing all of my belongings in to a backpack and moving across the country, I know that I have real reasons to ground where I am right now. Im realizing that I can actually achieve my dreams if I just stick to one thing at a time. Commit. I can do it all.....just not all at the same time. I think that is the key. When I look at the big picture I get overwhelmed and it seems unrealistic, but break it down and focus on one thing at a time and all of a sudden its not such a big deal.

Im reading a book titled The Art Of Non-Conformity and in it the author writes: "Many people have no idea what they really want to do or accomplish over the course of their time on earth. Instead of moving toward a destination, they become mired in "life avoidance" by ambling around without a clear sense of objective or purpose."

I admit, I have been one of those people, not to say that my life was 'bad' when I felt directionless, but it definitively felt incomplete. I remember feeling envious of people who were working towards something they were really passionate about while I just muddled around day to day. 


As terrifying as commitment has been to me in the past, I think Im starting to understand that there is nothing really that bad about it. I had the opportunity to just wander around the world for years without focus, and I have amazing stories to tell from it...but to commit is a whole new kind of adventure. Im still getting used to it, but I think that commitment and I are becoming friends. Yes, I have to compromise and I cant do everything all at once, but commitment doesn't take away from my life, it is actually adding a lot more depth and meaning to it. Who knew!? 

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” Peter F. Drucker

life.death.

I just found out that a special woman in my family passed away today. I have a really small clan...as far as blood relatives go, I could probably count them on my fingers. Along with this wonderful lady also departed knowledge of a lot of our unknown family history. Its a strange thing. I really feel as if the gypsy blood is surging through me right now. Not knowing where I came from, and not knowing where I am going, but non the less, intrepidly making my path through this awe-inspiring world. 

This sad news brought a reminder. Don't wait until it is too late to tell some one that you love them. We only have this one brief, consuming and impassioned life. Live it well.

All my love,
Lucka

Random thought of the day

The water looked magical today. Can't wait for it to be warm enough to jump into it again!

 As I was walking around today listening to Darkstar and enjoying the calming effect that the lake has on me, I was playing the reverse 'what it' game in my mind. Like...What if I was working towards a career that fulfilled my vision of creativity? What if I moved into my dream home base? What if I had the funds to set up a home studio this year? What if the love that I share was really  reciprocated? I wonder why so many of us spend much of our thoughts on why we can't do what we want and why we can't have the abundance that we seek. This is not about being greedy and always getting every little thing that we want, but about knowing that we always have the option to change our thinking patterns. We choose to believe in ourselves and go for what we want in this life and we also choose to stay stuck in the same old ways.

Make sure you are aware of what is going on in your mind; your life ultimately develops into a story of what you think you can or can't do. 

Vision of Home

Im officially missing summer. As a professional hibernator, I have a fairly clear vision in my head of my ideal home base. A place where I can create my surroundings in the most artistic and expressive way possible, surrounded by colours, patterns, textures, sounds and scents. A space where I am set up to create music at any time of day. And were I finally feel that I am at 'home' in my living space. I think this has been my top priority in life for a long time and I have not yet made it come into reality. Soon though! I will make this happen :) And when it does I will have weekly yoga/brunch gatherings, Arabic Jam nights, and dubstep dance parties in the living room, bwahahaha! 

Below is a picture of Imogen Heap's studio in her home. Seeing this was a huge inspiration for the vision of my future home (minus all the pink!)  It is possible!!!

Post Holidaze

Im looking forward to life coming back to "normal" soon. I have been laying low, trying to spend as much time as possible by myself in my room just absorbing the peaceful space. I have noticed the last few years around xmas time this is all I want. No crazy partying, no extravagance, just gentle hibernation, music, movies, tea. The introvert in me seems to think that this is her time to thrive, so I just go with it. 

 

Set a spark to your boiling heart.

Perceptions in your own mind are solitary, but even then,

Sound slips through the spaces in between and 

Seeps into the moment we connect again.

Listen, this witching moment is upon you

The waves are casting their spells

Hope, love, desire, alignment,

All you need is to drift into your sea.

Dont worry about your worries,

Be naked of your thoughts

Effortless sound spills 

into your hidden core

Welcome home. 

When Goats Play Cellos...

Goats have hooves. But they still try to play cellos. Its silly really! Why do they bother!? Sometimes they pull off a sublime note here and there, but most of the time it sounds like mad chaos coming from the barnyard. I guess what Im trying to say is, this little goat is happy to have her cello back, but only time and practice can make her hooves more nimble so she doesn't scare her trip away with wretched noise (a group of goats is called a trip btw). Musical goats, pfff! Who knew?!


But seriously...I started writing this song today. Its totally not perfected yet and my skills have atrophied over the past year so just ignore the off notes! Im sure that I will get better at this in time, but the videos, they are messed. I don't know why I bother with them cause the audio never syncs with the picture...anyways...lyrics to follow. Goaty poetry, it'll blow your mind ;) Baaaa!

Iv seen the seas open face

I keep touching the wind to feel the change

You know your eyes they came so clear that day

Right when my patience was about to fade away.

Now I can feel the rhythm in my harmonies

I can hear the beats collide with the melodies.

Its our music and it feels like home

Drives its beauty into my bones.

I have dreamt this sleep walking

Na na na na night owl.

"Sometimes you gotta create what you want to be a part of."

I was talking with a friend today about how where we live influences our realities. Obviously we need to be content whereever we are in the moment, but there's also something to be said about the fact that some places just have more of a particular energy and focus that may or may not mesh with us. Some places just seem to attract certain types of people who tend to share certain values. Of course, that is a generalization and doesn't apply to everyone in a certain place. But I can say from experience of living in more then a dozen places over the past years that finding a home base that meshes with my personality and values has been massively influential in a really positive way. 

Sometimes we live in places that don't suit us so much and we just have to make the best of it until we figure out what steps to take next. Write out your dreams, make vision boards (or boxes :), start planning what you would like your life to look like even if it doesn't seem realistic in the moment. You can always work up to it! 

I have been noticing little urban details of where I live lately. Here are a couple pics of graffiti art that I spotted in the back alley. I love this town :) 

You shouldn't have to fight for a spot....

 Funny how when you make a decision to change a habit it sometimes takes a while to actually process. For some reason life was testing me this last year with a bad habit of thinking that I had to fight for a place in this life. I notice that Im coming round full circle though. Im not fighting so much anymore. Im an active participant in this life, cruising on this crazy and amazing ride. I went from feeling totally lost and unsure to embracing my passions and honoring my value as a human. From feeling uprooted, unsupported and frustrated to standing firm, claiming my space and sharing this abundance of...I guess empowerment, with an open heart. Fuck it! I may as well. Ive been in at the other end of the spectrum and this one is so much more fun! 

Another thing that Im getting over is feeling like I have to fight for a spot in people's lives. Luckily in the past half a year or so, friendships have come really effortlessly and whimsically. Everyone around me is helping re-shape my reality. From feeling like an outsider, to being totally present, here and now. I'v got to stop this rant somewhere...mmm, ok, to close off, here is a poem-type thing that I wrote back in October.

I had a curious dream

That I was looking deep...deep

Thinking that there was more to our love then this

But you disagreed.

So I looked into your eyes,

But I didn't use my heart

Because I knew that I was through

With this fucking around.

Then I looked in the mirror

And I saw my reflection

Tattoos of a warrior were

Across my chest and 

The beauty of kindness 

Became my face

I didn't have to prove

anything to you

It was so clear that I had claimed my space. 

 "If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. " 

A theme on Trust

I had the immense pleasure of having another soul inspiring heart to heart conversation this week, this time with a couple of lovely ladies that I work with. I find that I tend to take a couple of gems away from these kind of moments, wisdom that I can carry into my daily life.   

Dr. Spock sums up the gem from this particular conversation.
"Trust yourself. You know more then you think."

It might sound weird and hippy, but I don't care. I have been feeling something like an explosion of wonder and joy coming from my heart for a while now. I remember in the past feeling really tight in my chest, like it was imploding in on itself. Like I was not expressing myself genuinely, not living my life how it wanted to be lived. 

So, even though it may seem flighty, Im trusting that this feeling of joy means that I am on my right path.
Trusting that the calling I have to embrace music right now is the right choice.
Trusting that the people I meet are the right ones that are meant to be in my life.
Trusting that the right opportunities will present themselves when I am open to seek them out.
And above all, having the self confidence to know that I have something valuable to contribute in this world just by being myself. We all do! Whoa!

I hope to learn as time goes by
That i should trust what's deep inside.
-city&colour